Jaime looked at her body that lay there quiet and still on the bed. She moved closer to get a better look at her face. She hated the way she looked. No matter how many times she looked at herself, it was never her. It was always some strange man, except, the Strange Man is the one her family recognized, the one that her friends confided in. She couldn’t stand it. She tried to handle it, but it all came crumbling down.
Jaime had confided in her best friend how she felt. How it was the wrong body, how she wanted to take knife and just cut away at it out of frustration. The scars on her arms were proof that it didn’t work. She tried to grow her hair out long, but that didn’t do enough. She still had a face that no matter what she did would always be foreign to her. It would always look like a man’s face, never her face. It kept her up at night, and hearing the news stories never helped. Hearing how people like her were brutally murdered instilled a great fear in her. And as Jaime told her best friend all these things, she saw her Best Friend’s face change. Jaime knew her best friend tried to understand, tried to accept, but something was off. She couldn’t tell what. But now, it doesn’t matter, Jaime thought to herself. Now it’s done, the empty bottle of pills next to her bed took care of everything.
But even the bottle of pills didn’t fix the problem. Jaime looked up at the dresser mirror and it was still the face of a stranger. It’s been hours since the pills took effect, and Jaime sat there next to her body with her legs shaking, waiting for something to happen.
Finally, something happened, but it wasn’t what she was expecting. There were quiet footsteps at the door, followed by quiet, nervous knocks. Slowly, the door creaked open. It was her best friend, Sam, walking through with eyes wide open, and breathing erratically. “Oh god no…” she whispered to herself. She saw the empty bottle of pills, and her best friend lying in the bed, not moving, and not breathing with the blankest stare she had ever seen. She moved silently and quietly to her best friend’s side and grabbed their hand. It was so cold to the touch. The room was so quiet it made Sam squirm in her skin. She squeezed the hand thinking, if she squeezed hard enough that it would bring Jaime back.
The vibrations of her cell in her pocket brought Sam out of this moment and into the next.
“Hello mom,” she managed without crying.
“Where did you run off to,” asked the mother.
“I’m at Jaime’s. I had a bad feeling in my stomach,” she said the words quietly.
“And so you run off like that? No explanation, nothing?!” her voice slowly rising in anger. If only she had known what Sam knew…
“I’m sorry mom, won’t happen again,” there were no life in the words.
“Fine.” The mother breathed deeply, “just be home for dinner.”
“I will.” The words were hollowed in her voice as she just stared her best friend’s body.
Jaime looked on at Sam, and none of it registered. Jaime couldn’t understand what Sam was feeling. “Why is she like this?” Jaime wondered.
“She didn’t seem to give a flying fuck when I opened up to her,” the anger slowly rising inside Jaime, “She just nodded her head, she didn’t say anything, and then she looked at me with those eyes, like she didn’t even know who I was.” The memory brought hot tears streaming down Jaime’s face, “Those eyes, it was those damn eyes” Jaime yelled, “How could you not recognize your best friend anymore? What did I do?” Jaime fruitlessly yelled at Sam.
A cold shiver passed through Sam’s body, that finally broke her and sent tears running down her face as well. Sam crossed her arms hoping it would somehow make her feel better. It didn’t. Deep down Sam knew the trigger, knew exactly what the last straw was. She knew that Jaime had a hard life, but she knew exactly what sent her over the edge.
“I’m Sorry Jaime. I will always love you, no matter what, I’m sorry if I hurt you, I just needed time. I’m so fucking sorry.” She began to sob.
The words changed everything for Jaime, too little too late. Jaime put her around her best friend trying to comfort her. They both just sat there in the bed room crying.